she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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