Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
