In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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