i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
