Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
