i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Boobs are out for the taking
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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