If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
