Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
