TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
