He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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