FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
