I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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