I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have tasted many bathrooms
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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