He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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