i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
