escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
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I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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