Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
