There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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