He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
