I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
