dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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