the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
