First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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