i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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