i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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