It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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