I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
