we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
