ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
