I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
