Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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