I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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