you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
