you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
