If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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