The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
