I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
