Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think your dad took our porno
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
