I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
