i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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