I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
