I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
