sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
