I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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