He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wear drunk well.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
