It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
