Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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