This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
