I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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