Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we made out on top of his cat.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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